Watching
2004-07-04 09:05:30 UTC
Be careful how you handle your relationship with your adopted family
before you start to search.
My adopted mother has changed since I found my birth mother, and it has
caused upset to a point where we are currently not on speaking terms.
However I've since found out that my sister was the cause of this.
She's also adopted and has been searching for her birth relatives since
BEFORE I started looking. She's maybe not had any success, I don't
know, but her searches on the internet are there for the world to see.
The problem is that she told my "mum" that she was deeply hurt that I
had started to look, and in hindsight I think it's obvious that my
"mum" only started to get hostile after she'd told my sister about my
search.
As an extra complication, my own step-daughter had not been told that
she was my STEP-daughter until very recently. That's another story and
I know it was wrong not to have told her when she was younger, but she
knows now and has taken it well. Trouble is that my sister sent
anonymous cards and made anonymous phone calls to try and let my
step-daughter know the truth before we'd told her in our own way. Very
nasty cards and calls really. I knew it was my sister because of a
couple of silly mistakes she made.
I'm currently quite ill (unrelated) and don't have much energy over and
above just going to work each day, but I am gradually getting the
evidence together to pass on to my "mum" in the hope she'll see what my
sister really is.
Anyway I just want to point out to people that you MUST go and look for
the family members you've never met (what if they are elderly, you may
miss the chance to meet them). It's just that you've got to be careful
how you handle it with your adopted family.
I think my sister has a mental problem to be honest, but even so, make
sure you're careful how you handle things!
I found my birth-mother very quickly, but have not yet found my father.
Good luck.
BW
http://beingwatched.blogspot.com
before you start to search.
My adopted mother has changed since I found my birth mother, and it has
caused upset to a point where we are currently not on speaking terms.
However I've since found out that my sister was the cause of this.
She's also adopted and has been searching for her birth relatives since
BEFORE I started looking. She's maybe not had any success, I don't
know, but her searches on the internet are there for the world to see.
The problem is that she told my "mum" that she was deeply hurt that I
had started to look, and in hindsight I think it's obvious that my
"mum" only started to get hostile after she'd told my sister about my
search.
As an extra complication, my own step-daughter had not been told that
she was my STEP-daughter until very recently. That's another story and
I know it was wrong not to have told her when she was younger, but she
knows now and has taken it well. Trouble is that my sister sent
anonymous cards and made anonymous phone calls to try and let my
step-daughter know the truth before we'd told her in our own way. Very
nasty cards and calls really. I knew it was my sister because of a
couple of silly mistakes she made.
I'm currently quite ill (unrelated) and don't have much energy over and
above just going to work each day, but I am gradually getting the
evidence together to pass on to my "mum" in the hope she'll see what my
sister really is.
Anyway I just want to point out to people that you MUST go and look for
the family members you've never met (what if they are elderly, you may
miss the chance to meet them). It's just that you've got to be careful
how you handle it with your adopted family.
I think my sister has a mental problem to be honest, but even so, make
sure you're careful how you handle things!
I found my birth-mother very quickly, but have not yet found my father.
Good luck.
BW
http://beingwatched.blogspot.com